Things I'd Tell My 18-Year-Old Self: Ten Lessons From My Twenties (So Far)

There's something so sweet about looking back at 18. She was hopeful, determined, a little scared of the future, and so excited about what might be ahead. It was 2020-- the year I moved to Nashville for college. I didn't know anyone there, Covid-19 was running absolutely rampant, and the world was growing more harsh and unpredictable. I don't think I'd change much if I could go back. The mistakes, the heartbreaks, and the waiting periods have made me who I am.

I keep thinking about what I'd tell younger me if I could sit across from her for just an hour. I wouldn't spend it talking about careers or school or five-year plans. It would be more about her. So, to the 18 year-old version of me-- and maybe to anyone else who needs to hear it-- here are a few things I've learned in the past six years that I hope you never forget.

1. Life rarely goes according to plan-- and thank goodness for that!

It's so funny in hindsight to think about the plans I had for myself and how different they've been from God's plan. I had meticulously created a blueprint of steps I needed to accomplish to meet my own definition of "success". I didn't factor any room for error, mishaps, detours, or speed bumps, so when things went awry, I panicked.

Over time-- and with repeated setbacks in my own plans-- I've learned that, while I don't know the exact steps of my journey, I know the One leading it. Some of the best things that have happened in my life were never part of my plan... new friends, career opportunities, lessons learned from difficult seasons, and growing in ways I didn't know I needed to. I'm so grateful that God writes my story and that things don't always work out the way I want them to.

2. Rest before your mind and body force you to.

Until very recently, I believed that my worth was found in my productivity. The past six months have proven to me that humans are not machines, and we were not designed to run on empty.

Rest is not something you have to earn-- it's a gift that allows you to show up more fully for the people you love and the life He called you to live.

3. Your job is something you do, not who you are.

This seems to be a common struggle for most twenty-somethings because this is the best time to build your network and your career. It's okay to be passionate about your work. In fact, I hope you are! Chase Excellence. Be dependable. Work hard. But don't let your title become your identity.

Jobs change. Promotions come and go. Seasons shift. If you build your entire self on your career, you're bound to feel like you constantly have something to prove, and that is incredibly unsustainable. Don't sacrifice your health, your relationships, or your joy trying to climb a ladder that was never meant to hold your worth to begin with.

4. Being alone is not the same as being lonely.

I used to fear being alone because I thought it meant being lonely or that something was missing. What I have learned is that those are two completely different things. Some of the most peaceful seasons of my life have come from the times I've spent in solitude. It's where I've healed, gotten to know myself, and discovered that I actually do enjoy my own company

Loneliness tells you that you're missing something. Solitude shows you that you can be completely whole as you are. Be very careful to not confuse the two.

5. Stop living your life like everything is an emergency.

Somewhere along the way, we've picked up a sense of urgency and we carry it with us throughout each day. We rush through our mornings, answer texts while walking, hurry through conversations, and feel guilty for resting. The truth is that not everything that demands your attention deserves your urgency.

Not every text needs an immediate response. Not every decision has to be made today. Not every free moment needs to be filled. A slower life does not equal a less meaningful one. Joy is not found by speeding through life, but by slowing down enough to notice that it's actually all around-- in slow mornings, conversations with loved ones, walks at the park, sitting on the porch. You weren't meant to live in survival mode. Give your nervous system a break!

6. You become a combination of the people you spend the most time with.

We naturally pick up the habits, attitudes, and priorities of those around us-- sometimes without even realizing it. That's why choosing your circle is so important. It can either push you closer to the life you want or quietly pull you away from it. If you're surrounded by gratitude, kindness, and integrity, those things become part of you. If you're surrounded by gossip, comparison, or constant negativity, those become normal, too. Be intentional about the environments you're building around yourself.

I have been so blessed to have a circle of friends here in Nashville that love Jesus, encourage one another, never fail to show up, carry constant joy, and make life fun. They have been an essential part of creating my life here.

7. You'll (almost) always feel better about it in the morning.

This one might not be universal, but some of our worst days won't feel quite so heavy after a good night's sleep. I can't tell you how many times I've gone to bed overthinking, feeling overwhelmed, or catastrophizing over something that turned out to be completely manageable the next day. It seems silly, but it's true.

Your tired mind isn't always telling you the whole truth. The world will still be there when you wake up. Sunlight, breakfast, and a rested mind make things feel so much lighter. When you find yourself in that state, just go to bed!

8. If you have a long weekend, go to the beach!

And I stand on this one. Grab your group of girls, pack a bag, book an Airbnb, and start driving! Life is far too short to spend every long weekend catching up on chores. Don't wait for life to slow down to start living it! There will always be another email to answer, another load of laundry to fold, another item on your to-do list, but there won't always be another chance to make those memories.

I do this one pretty often. Whenever people say, "we should go to the beach!" I always jokingly respond, "I have a bag ready, just tell me what time!" I actually halfway mean it. There's just something about the ocean and the sunshine that just refreshes the soul, and I wish I would have started doing this sooner!

9. Always have something to look forward to.

This looks different in different seasons. Sometimes, that "something" is a vacation, a birthday, or a big milestone. More often than not, though, it's something simple: a walk with a friend later in the week, a Saturday morning at the farmer's market, or a weekly small group Bible study that you repeatedly look forward to... something that gives ordinary days a little more joy and purpose.

This is a small way that I practice intentionally living in joy. As I've mentioned before, I don't think that joy is something you stumble upon; it's something you cultivate. Fill your calendar with little moments that remind you life is meant to be enjoyed, not just managed.

10. Life is too short to spend it trying to "fit in".

Be the one who laughs hard, waves first, talks to dogs, dances at weddings, cares deeply.... be you!!! Authenticity is a gift! I once heard a quote that said, "When you are authentically yourself, the people who are meant for you can find you," and I think it makes so much sense. Trying to "fit in" often attracts people who like the version of you you're pretending to be-- and boy, is that exhausting!

God didn't create you by accident. The gifts, passions, personality, and silly little quirks He gave you are parts of how He connects you with the people He's placed in your life. The right friends, the right community, the right people won't love you because you "fit in". They'll love you because you're you. So be enthusiastic. Be kind. Be curious. Be genuine. Be who God created you to be.

Lastly, remember that you are deeply loved, fully known, and never alone. <3